8 Things No One Tells You About LDR’s

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Being away from your significant other sucks. It sucks even more if you happen to be 20, 200, or even 2,000 miles apart. Anyone who has ever been in a long distance relationship knows what it’s like to miss someone all the time. It’s easy to look around and envy other couples holding hands, going out on dates, and generally doing everything that you and your SO can’t.

On top of that, there will always be that constant feeling of trying not to smother your SO, or ignore them either. Should I call them today? I just Facetimed with them… so should I wait a couple of days before we try again? Am I a bad person for wondering if this is going to work? Trust me, you are not alone!

I like to think there’s such a thing as immediate and long term happiness. If that person really is the key to your long term happiness, you don’t just give up on the chemistry you have together. This is a post for those of you who are wondering what it’s like to be in a LDR, who are currently in an LDR, or are wondering if you are ready to commit the time and energy it takes to be in a long distance relationship.

The Good, The Bad, and the In-Between

LDR’s aren’t always going to be easy, they’re not going to be pretty, and it’s going to be hard. Beyond the obvious, these are the little things no one tells you about LDR’s.

♡ Secret #1: Clear (NOT CONSTANT) communication is key♡

As a millennial, I know it’s easy to get sucked into a web of constant communication, whether that be through text message, phone calls, constant Snapchats or Skype dates. Social media is ingrained into us from the moment we wake up to the minute we fall asleep, and it’s nearly impossible to ignore.

But your relationship will thrive if you let it fall to the wayside.

Yep, you heard me. Your relationship will actually benefit if you allow it room to breathe. Not only is being in constant communication tiring (especially if there’s a time difference), it sets up unrealistic expectations for the both of you. Besides, what really changes day to day as opposed to week to week? I know if I see someone every day, it’s always the same old,”What’s new?” “Oh you know, just school.”

By saving phone calls or Skype dates for once or a twice a week, you are able to talk for a much longer period of time and offer more substantial conversation as opposed to if those calls were to happen every day.

LDR’s aren’t supposed to be a chore, and just because you’re not together doesn’t mean you have an obligation to be glued to the virtual hip. To function as a whole, you need to function as two fully functioning pieces– apart and able to live your own separate lives to the fullest.

 

♡ Secret #2: You will never feel the same way about the relationship as you did the day before ♡

When you’re not around your SO every day, they will likely always be on your mind. You will constantly wonder if you made the right choice, if your LDR will work, and you will probably doubt either yourself or your partner at one point or another. It’s totally normal.

Even during arguments, you will feel differently from the day you argued, to the next morning when you wake up. It’s natural, it’s normal, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s okay for your view on the relationship to constantly be up and down, so long as you know where you both stand on the doubts that worry you and talk out any concerns.

♡ Secret #3: You may cry randomly… it’s okay, it happens ♡

No explanation needed. Crying happens, nightly crying will also happen… and so will occasional tears when you think about your SO in the shower.

♡Secret #4: You will probably virtually stalk your SO way more than you’d care to admit ♡

Because you’re not around your person all the time, it’s natural to wonder what they’re up to… just don’t read into their social media too much either. Because you live separate lives, chances are, you will have completely different social circles. Don’t let small things work you up. Keep a clear head, and if you stalk to your heart’s content, just make sure you don’t make mountains out of molehills.

If you have serious doubts after looking at their social media, these thoughts have likely stemmed from other aspect of the relationship. If so, it’s probably wise to evaluate it as a whole.

♡Secret #5: You’ll probably be your SO’s personal papparazzi when you’re together ♡

It’s normal to want to take a billion pictures of your SO when you’re together as a memento to hold onto when you’re not. Even if they gripe and groan about it, they’ll probably appreciate it in a couple of weeks when they’re able to look a photograph of how happy you were together.

♡Secret #6: Most of society probably won’t take the relationship seriously ♡

Unfortunately not everyone sees the legitimacy in LDR’s… so there will always be a few naysayers. The people who really care about you will realize your SO is probably not going anywhere anytime soon. Soak in the positivity, don’t sweat the little people.

 ♡  Secret #7: You will fantasize about a future that may or may not happen♡

Be prepared for inevitable disappointment. LDR’s require flexibility as life and locations change. Time apart means that events are bound to take place that you have zero control over. Schedules can’t always be consistent and you may not know when you’ll see your SO next. Anyone in an LDR has been there, but it doesn’t mean you will never be together.

If you both are actively trying to remain in each other’s lives, there will be a point where eventually your paths will intersect. Have faith that, in time, it will all work out. If you can’t, what hope do you have for the relationship to last?

♡ Secret #8: You’ll realize the extent of your feelings for that person ♡

By the first couple of months, you’ll be able to adequately gauge your SO’s position in your life and what it’s like to work through issues when you can’t physically see each other. If you’re able to work through problems clearly and in a healthy manner while being hundreds of miles apart, you can be fully confident they’ll be in your life for a long while to come. It’s a great feeling to have.

LDR’s really do put your relationship through the ringer, but in the end, you will come out stronger as a team. Some people are worth hurting, sacrificing, and swearing yourself off for. If not, it wasn’t meant to be.

How To Cope

  1. Write a handwritten letter to them and send it.
  2. Journal
  3. Make yourself a snack and take a bath
  4. Leave a nice (but brief) voicemail wishing them a nice day
  5. Talk to friends or family
  6. Look through old photos of you two together and then resolve yourself to reading a book
  7. Take a walk
  8. Work out– your body and your mind will thank you for it.

So there you have it. Speaking from experience, these are all things I’ve learned and thought I’d make a post about as I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced all of the above.

Let me know if you’ve ever been in an LDR and if there’s something I left off the list.

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18 Comments

  1. Paige Strand
    October 5, 2016 / 7:01 pm

    I liked your point about having clear communication – this is much better than having crappy yet constant communication.

    • October 5, 2016 / 9:51 pm

      So many couples, even regular non-LDR ones think that the key to a relationship is 24/7 communication, but I find it actually strengthens the relationship not being in contact all the time. Discipline and self restraint works wonders for strengthening the bond 🙂

  2. October 5, 2016 / 7:08 pm

    Great post! As an Army wife I know what it’s like to be away from your significant other for long periods of time. Getting ready to face a second deployment I feel better equipped than I did the first time around. Sometimes we’ll go months without talking because he can’t contact home. The best thing to do is to keep yourself busy. Start up a hobby and it gives you something to talk about next time you communicate!

    I love this post, good job. 🙂

    • October 5, 2016 / 9:53 pm

      That’s a really good idea, I definitely am into photography (and have recently taken up blogging) so I’ve decided to go out and shoot some more photos whenever I feel that I miss him. It’s definitely a good idea to stay busy and hearing stories about other people who have to do the same make me feel confident that I can do it too! 🙂

  3. October 7, 2016 / 4:57 pm

    Hi Heather! I’ve been in an LDR for two years now and I’ve only been with my partner physically for 4-5 times. I definitely understand what you wrote here and totally agree with you. Just wanted to comment and say hi, cause I’m also a fellow LDR. Love your article and blog!

    • October 7, 2016 / 5:55 pm

      It’s super hard but if you’re dedicated to making it work, I believe couples can make anything work! It’s really inspiring to hear from other people who are also in long distance relationships! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  4. October 7, 2016 / 5:33 pm

    THAT’S TRUE !! You would cry your heart out!! It’s okey!! The best thing is to have a clear communication.I liked all your points. Taking a walk around is on the top of my list to cope around with it.

    • October 7, 2016 / 5:56 pm

      Haha I do quite often! I get in these moods were I miss my boyfriend and just get a little teary and I can’t help it! Taking a walk and getting a coffee definitely also helps calm my agitated nerves.

  5. October 7, 2016 / 6:07 pm

    I had a long distance relationship when I was younger and you’re right; being far away from then sucks. I wouldn’t do it again.
    Katja xxx
    http://Www.katnapped.com

    • October 7, 2016 / 9:09 pm

      I definitely have had doubts (which I feel is normal) and I totally get how they aren’t for everyone! Once in a blue moon though, you meet someone who makes you feel as though it will actually work!

  6. October 7, 2016 / 7:01 pm

    This is a fantastic post and it will appeal to so many people in that situation. I totally agree communication is everything without a doubt

  7. October 8, 2016 / 1:08 am

    Me and my now husband were in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years and we found things to make it work. One of the things we did was watch movies together! It was great! We would be on different continents and so far apart but watch the same movie at the same time. It was our version of a movie date 🙂 great memories were made!

  8. October 8, 2016 / 11:31 am

    I’ve never experienced LDR but I can tell that you already know how it all works!

  9. October 8, 2016 / 12:03 pm

    great post, LDRs can be really emotionally draining but your tips are great and can really help someone going through this 🙂

  10. October 8, 2016 / 3:36 pm

    Amazing post dear, when I read this post. I just remember myself that I were in this situation about some years ago. And I knew LDR is really hard and not easy to handle. But thanks God that we´re survived. My LDR with my ex-boyfriend and now he´s my husband, it´s great stories to tell and successfully into married and happily until today. And I really agreed that in LDR is very important is a communication. That´s what I did, and that´s why I´m survived with my LDR. Good luck to you and some couple out there whom may in this LDR situation.
    Take care and wish you have a great weekend.

    XOX, Kintan
    http://kintanfashion.blogspot.com

  11. October 8, 2016 / 3:59 pm

    This is all SO TRUE! Before my boyfriend and I moved in together last year, we had been doing the LDR thing for a couple years. It was hard but so worth it once we came together! Such a great list.

    • October 8, 2016 / 8:40 pm

      I can’t wait until I can finally say that we made it! I’m in the beginning stages at the moment and it’s already difficult as is. I made this post mostly as a reminder to myself haha

  12. October 8, 2016 / 10:06 pm

    Such a lovely post and so many amazing ideas and ways how to cope, Heather. My husband and I have survived a LDR (back when we were dating). He didn’t live in a different town or the same country. We were 3,000 miles apart. In my opinion, such relationships only work when both sides want to make it work. I think when you know, you know 🙂 And it is all easy and falls into place. The worst part for me was missing him a lot. It’s not easy one bit. Especially when you see each other 3-4 times a year. We are together all the time now and couldn’t be happier. I hope this encourages you, girlie 🙂
    xox Nadia
    http://www.mielandmint.com

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