A Letter to my Ex-Boyfriend’s Future Girlfriend

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To My Ex’s Future Girlfriend,

I respect you.

I know that sounds funny to hear. I don’t know you yet and neither does he. If you were wondering, we’re hot on the heels of a breakup– it’s never pretty, is it? But, above all else, I trust that my ex’s decision was sound before he went and let his heart get involved. He doesn’t just give his heart away like a handout, you know. You’re lucky to see a side of him that goes unnoticed and unknown. I promise you will spend a better half of your time getting lost in the thick of the woods before you come out on the other side, but I also promise his moon is the brightest shine you’ll ever see.

You may be wondering about me– the ex, the other girl, the girl before you. I promise I’m not as scary or bitchy or cold as I may seem. While it’s true, he did use to lay his head in my arms and cry when he saw me crying, we were two people with one foot in two completely different worlds. Hard as we tried to make it work, our lives never really bisected where they needed to. It was no fault of his and no fault of mine.

That doesn’t change the fact that he’s yours now, and your hands will be the hands to cradle his when I no longer can. I love him selflessly enough to want the best for him. If he believes you’re it, I do too. I promise there’s no ego, no selfishness, no ulterior motives or strings attached. I really mean it. I have always wanted the best for him, and now I want the best for you.

But there are still some things I want you to know…

  1.  He’s horrible at picking up his phone.  

It’s not because he’s ignoring you. In fact, he’s probably thinking about you that very moment. He probably just can’t find the words or time to send a simple text back, or return the call. In fact, it may seem like he’s ignoring you excessively, but that’s just translation for,”Hey, a lot is happening in my life right now. I care about you a lot and I’m thinking about you, but I just can’t call right now.” It’ll be fine. Don’t make it the end of the world. Some guys are great at texting and some are not.

       2. His life is all sorts of crazy.  

I know it may seem like you didn’t sign up for this, or whatever chaos being his girlfriend entails, but if you truly care about him the way I hope you will, you’ll stick around to see more of it. I can’t promise it will be easy, but I can promise it will be worth it.

         3. He will look at you like you are the sun. Every. Single. Time.  

If you ever wanted a boy to look at you like you are the sun changing faces into the moon, both glorious and as equally beautiful, look no further. He will make you feel like a living, walking, breathing gem on this Earth. You’ll finally know what writers mean when they write about love at first sight. It exists, and you’ll be able to see how real it is from the first time he lays eyes on you.

          4. He will probably make you question everything you know and feel. Prepare well.  

He is the kind of person who debates the meaning of life on a regular basis, and who likes to include you in talks of his future and where he’s headed. This is normal. Prepare your heart and your head for this, because as soon as he opens his mouth, all you’re going to see is a future with him. I hope to God for both of your sakes, that hope isn’t ripped away.

5.   He is selfish.  

That isn’t to say he’s selfish in the way that is destructive or malicious, but rather, he often forgets about others but himself. He may be your number one priority, but there’s no telling what you’ll be in his world. Though it’s easy to fall head over heels for him (trust me, I know), it takes time for him to warm to the thought of having you around, unconditionally, all-access, all the time. He’s used to people leaving. A part of him foresees you leaving too. He constructs a wall well. It’s up to you to break it down.

6.   I want you to be happy together.  

Because when it comes down to it, I will always love him, and a piece of him will always be with me. Over time, I’d like to see that broken piece mend to a whole. I hope you two find the happiness that we didn’t have the chance to. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: I want the best for him, sure, but I hope he finds the best with you.

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34 Comments

  1. November 16, 2016 / 9:15 pm

    Love everything you wrote in this post! Great!

    • November 18, 2016 / 12:24 am

      Even more so, I mean it. It’s hard to believe, but I really do! Thanks for the kind words!

  2. November 16, 2016 / 10:12 pm

    That is beautiful hun. It’s heartbreaking and it’s real and it’s awesome how selflessly you want the best for him. I kinda want to give you a massive hug right now.
    Katja xxx
    http://Www.katnapped.com

    • November 18, 2016 / 12:25 am

      Thanks a bunch. My heart is really broken right now, and I’m sure so is his, but I honestly do want the best for him and I hope he realizes this in the long run, even if he was the one to break up with me. I need all the hugs I can get! Thanks for the love babe! xx

  3. November 16, 2016 / 10:21 pm

    Wow. You’re a lot more selfless than I am! This is such a great idea – I feel like there’s such a silent relationship between exes past and current partners. They learn so much subjective information about each other in the strangest of contexts, and they all have in common that they love the same person, and the same person has loved them. Good for you for processing that in a much healthier way than I have ever been able to, and great writing!

    • November 18, 2016 / 12:27 am

      Oh there’s an entire conversation that happens between exes past and current partners undoubtedly, whether that’s through social media stalking or literal inquiries about the other, I feel like one inevitably wants to know who their partner has dated before them and who they end up dating after. I hope that my ex finds that happiness with someone else someday, and that she’s worthy of receiving it. It’s hard to accept, but I can’t be angry at him for our lives going separate ways. Thanks for the kind words! I enjoyed what you had to say on it as well!

  4. November 17, 2016 / 2:37 am

    Wow! What beautiful sentiments. So sad to read but so beautifully and eloquently written. Incredibly brave and selfless of you to share.

    • November 18, 2016 / 12:29 am

      It was hard to write and honestly, even harder to accept that one day he’d be moving on with a love that wasn’t ours… but I do honestly want the best for him and when there’s love like that, you can’t wish the worst upon the other person. Thank you so much for the kind words.

  5. November 17, 2016 / 9:26 pm

    This is such a honest and beautiful post, loved reading it. Love that it’s not all positive or negative. It sounds like he made you really happy, and that he’s a nice person and that you respected each other. But then you also mention the ‘negative’ things such as being selfish or being bad at picking up the phone. I love that.

    • November 18, 2016 / 12:33 am

      It took a lot out of me to write, and even more out of me to realize that everything I was saying, I genuinely meant. He’s a very special person to me, and regardless of whether we’re together or not, there’s a lot of care and respect still there. No relationship is perfect, but a relationship can be made perfect based on what you choose to accept about the other person. I do hope that whoever he finds can deal with all those little things in his life, and love him more for it.

  6. November 17, 2016 / 11:58 pm

    This one’s too beautiful. <3 Not many people could let go this way. Wishing you all the best, Heather. *virtual hugssss*

    xx, The Diary Queen

    • November 18, 2016 / 12:34 am

      *virtual hugs back* I need all the hugs I can get! Thank you for the kind sentiments <3

  7. November 18, 2016 / 10:49 pm

    This is really awesome. I hope you’re doing well and don’t forget time works in amazing ways!

    • November 19, 2016 / 5:40 am

      Thank you so much! It’s hard but I really do believe what’s meant to be will be.

  8. November 20, 2016 / 10:06 pm

    Very smart and I am sure spot on!!!!! You are AWESOME!!!

    • November 21, 2016 / 8:58 pm

      Aw thank you so much! It was difficult to write but I feel as though I needed to to come to some sort of closure.

  9. November 20, 2016 / 11:54 pm

    Big hugs coming your way! This letter is so incredibly beautiful and heartfelt.

    • November 21, 2016 / 8:58 pm

      Aw thank you! I need all the hugs I can get really. It took a lot out of me to write but I felt that I needed to. Thank you for the kind words and sentiments.

  10. November 21, 2016 / 6:28 am

    I really love the points you made! Dealing with a new GF of your Ex is hard but I love how you’ve addressed this situation!

    • November 21, 2016 / 9:07 pm

      Granted he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet but when he does, I don’t want there to be any animosity. There’s so much love between he and I, I want what’s best for him… even if, in the future, that leads him to someone else.

  11. November 21, 2016 / 6:40 am

    What a big and beautiful heart you have to be able to write this. It’s a strange feeling to think about my ex’s girlfriend. However I’m happy that he’s not in my life anymore.

    Sabine
    http://www.sofarsosabine.com

    • November 21, 2016 / 9:08 pm

      You know, I really really have to remind myself that things happen for a reason. We meet people because they are supposed to be in our lives for the amount of time they were, and then we move on and that’s just how it has to be. I hope in the future, whoever he chooses to love can have what we never got the chance to.

  12. November 21, 2016 / 7:32 am

    What such amazing post and wonderful words that you written. Absolutely love it and it´s very touchful. Best wishes for a NEW YOU and I’m sure you’ll find the best one.

    Love, Kintan XOX
    http://kintanfashion.blogspot.com

    • November 21, 2016 / 9:09 pm

      That means a lot! I can’t wait to see what life has in store for me too, and hope that despite going our separate ways, maybe someday life will bring us together again. Thank you for all the kind sentiments! <3

  13. November 21, 2016 / 11:27 am

    I would’ve not have the energy to write such post – great on you to be able to write this and end it on a positive note and being accepting of wanting that *future* couple to be happy

    • November 21, 2016 / 9:10 pm

      It’s easy to hate your ex and want the worst for them, but honestly, that wouldn’t bring me happiness. What would make me happy is to one day see us both living our lives, not ever thinking of what the other lost. I want what’s best for him, and hopefully, he wants that for me as well. Thanks for all the kind sentiments! <3

  14. November 21, 2016 / 12:09 pm

    I have really enjoyed reading your post. The texting..i once’d had someone special and he was great at writing..i still remember some of the e-mails that he has written or the bday sms etc i can say he was a great guy that know how to put words on paper and i can relate to what you have said in your last paragraph – there would always be that part that would love him. Me too, it’s already 8 years ago and i have managed to go on with my life, but he will always have that special place. . Strange as it may seem i do to would love him to be happy again with someone that have the same passion as he had. Great post and i take my had off that you have written this post.

    • November 29, 2016 / 6:34 pm

      It’s super difficult to let go of something when it feels right and even harder to get over them. Here’s to hoping I can finally move on and take the time I need to to process this relationship. It always is difficult though, isn’t it? Thanks so much for the kind words! They mean a lot!

  15. mia
    November 22, 2016 / 8:26 am

    oh my gosh, I was kind of hoping the ex was a fuxkboy so I could like cheer the breakup but this is just heart-aching 😭 I love how mature your perspective on it all is, though; this was a lovely read. x

    Mia // https://okaaythen.com

    • November 29, 2016 / 4:52 pm

      Aw thank you for the kind words, those are really all I can ask for at this point. Thanks so much for stopping by <3

  16. Justina
    December 2, 2016 / 6:19 pm

    Wow. This is so beautiful.

    • December 4, 2016 / 7:07 am

      It was hard to write, but definitely words that needed to be said. Thank you!

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